The Important Blog

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, and mixed gender people (you know who you are)

The time has come. Prepare and give thanks.

OK…..Let me fill you in. During my time on the web, I’ve come to the conclusion that what you need most to write and maintain a website or blog, is not subject knowledge, or the respect of your peers. It is without a shadow of a doubt and overinflated view of your own self importance. The idea that if you spent your time writing in a blog, that some people would find that interesting and want to read what you’ve written. The scary thing

You don’t even have to speak good english. You just have to look at the popularity of aintitcool.com to realise that. That site is written so poorly it’s unbelievable and don’t get me started on the site design

In fact, Harry Knowles from that site is a good case in point if there was ever someone with an overinflated view of their own self importance…..Jees he’s like a real life incarnation of the comic book guy from The Simpsons. How he’s ever got laid is beyond me.

Anyway, I digress. The point I was trying to make before my mind wandered as it so often does is that an over inflated view of your own self importance is the key.

Now imagine what happens when you get someone who actually is important. All of a sudden, the site is in a different league and thats why you find yourself here, because what I have to say is actually important. I’m important. Hence the url “The Important Blog!” Get Used to it

OK Firstly let me lay down my top ten ground rules. This will be my manifesto as it were

1. I promise not to post any of those stupid Top Ten Lists….Fucking hell how dull are those. Tired examples of rehashed link bait (for those not in the know. Link bait are articles and such created not for the user to enjoy but to encourage other people to link to their site….yawn) So if you ever see me post “Top Ten toys your labridoodle might enjoy” you have my permission to shoot me in the face then teabag my corpse.

2. I will encourage comments and debate on here, if I say something you don’t agree with, by all means comment and lay it down. Of course you’re wrong, cos there’s no way in the world that you’re as important as me nor is your opinion as valid…but hey, give it a shot. You might catch me on a bad day when I’m actually wrong, it happened once in 1994

3. I will say what the hell I like, when I like. No whinging if I haven’t posted for a few days and your rss feed is looking a little dull without me. I know you’ll crave my next thrilling post, but I am only human. I’m not Jesus Christ. I’ve come to accept that now and occasionally I will need sleep, or the love of a beautiful woman and when I get it on, it has been known to take a couple of days (and a couple of women)

4. This site will be all new content. No stupid rehashed articles that you see on everybody else’s blog. All Fresh, all the time. I will only post these articles if I feel the need to point out what a fucktard the author is through balances and reasoned criticism.

5. I will occasionally invite other important authors to make a submission on this blog. Admittedly they will not be as well read, as good looking or as interesting as me but I want you to show them the same love and respect you’re going to show me.

6. No conspiracy theories. Unless it’s a really good one in which case I might post it, but I will say “This is a conspiracy theory, it’s about as true as the story your Mum told you about why you found your neighbour naked on the kitchen counter with a cucumber sticking out of his ass

7. I will not post pictures of my pets. I have pets, I like pets but I don’t imagine for one second that you want to see pictures of them.

8. if I tell a story, it is fact. Believe it as if I were your own father telling you. Cos let’s face it, chances are I might be. seeing how easy your Mum is and how good looking I am, I’m afraid odds are…..

9. If you’re a parent and you come to my site whinging that your child has seen it and I’m being irresponsible posting as I do. TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR LOOKING AFTER YOUR CHILD, YOU’RE A FUCKING TERRIBLE PARENT. Install some sort of filter, surf the web together. Just stop putting your child in front of the world wide web and using it as some sort of babysitter whilst you get drunk on gin and cry over your failed marriage.

10.(Is this 10 already) I reserve the right to add 10 later (well and 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) In fact, I reserve the right to update and rehash these rules as an when the fuck I feel like it, deal with it.

Hmm, well I’ve gone on a bit for a first post. But hopefully I’ve got across why this is the most important blog in the world and why you better start taking notice of it. Read it regularly and it will change your life