The Important Blog

Now obviously when you’re as important and wise as I am, many people come to you for advice and I thought instead of getting Thomson to reply to them all, including a signed glossy 6 by 4, I would take the time out of my busy schedule to actually reply personally to a few of the mails I have recieved.

I have obviously changed the names as some of the people that write to me have very embarrasing problems, and it would not be gentlemanly to call them by their real name.

Letter 1.

Dear “The Important Man”

I hope you actually read this email as I would value your advise on this. I met a woman recently in the local library. She was looking through the shelves of the mystery section whilst I was looking therough personal development to try and find your book. I was instantly attracted to her and after an initial awkward moment and a shared joke about the term “whodunnit” we spent the rest of the evening chatting in a nearby costa coffee.

We swapped numbers at the end of the evening and I texted her a few times, but I never recieved anything back. I’m starting to worry now that she’s ignoring me.  I hid outside the library and when I saw her come out…texted her again. Sure enough her mobile made that text noise. What should I do?”

A Stalker

Dear A Stalker

Thankyou for your letter, I understand how difficult it must be for normal guys like yourself to make social connections with women and I agree that this bitch (there I said it) is being unfair on you by ignoring your texts. What you need to do is confront her, tell her she’s a skank ho and that you’re now seeing someone much more attractive. I suggest using a picture of a well known supermodel, shoving it in her face and claiming that she is your new girlfriend which should work. It worked for me once (although with me it was actually true)

You see, women although gorgeous, soft and lovely are crass and fickle creatures who only want what they can’t have (which is why so many fat ugly women want me)

This will cause undoubted jealousy in this woman and she will realise how foolish she was to spurn your advances and she will fall at your feet.

Good luck man

The Important Man

 Dear “The Important Man”

You are an arrogant cock

signed

Fat Ugly Lesbain

Dear Fat Ugly Lesbain

Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your honesty, you are however deluded and should seek medical attention as soon as possible.

Thanks

The Important Man

Tags: mailbox, problem page

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm and is filed under Dating & Relationships, important. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.