Smoking in primary schools is apparently bad
Now, I don’t know about you, but I enjoy a fine cigar now and again. I enjoy the mellow taste, sophisticated aroma and sense of wellbeing that only comes from sucking on something that you know has been between a fat Cuban woman’s thighs. It just makes everything seem right with the world.
Now, I had been invited by my sister to see my neice and nephew perform at their primary school. Something to do with Christmas and the birth of Jesus and being the dutiful Uncle I am, I went.
I have to explain at this point, that my sister did not marry well and unfortunately was not blessed with the intelligence that I was. So this was actually a local authority school. My Bentley looked slightly out of place in the car park, but I thought that I could grin and bare it for a couple of hours.
So anyway, there I was sat amongst the council estate scum as I watched this “play” I have to say that the first half was not good. The “actors” lacked depth and did nothing to maintain the illusion. I have seen some of the finest actors in the world perform classics such as Shakespeare, Pinter and Hargreaves but this was just awful.
Just when I thought I couldn’t bear it any more as “Mary” mounted her unrealistic paper mache donkey and they decided that would be the perfect time to sing “Little Donkey” (who comes up with this shit) thankfully there was an intermission.
Now by this point, I was quite wound up and after I had just paid £3 for a small plastic cup of oversweet “tesco value” orange squash, I cracked a little and at that point, I thought that a nice cigar would calm me down and allow me to make it through the second half, so I lit up.
That first exquisite drag of my cigar immeadietely calmed me down. However all of a sudden people started shouting at me. It appeared my cigar was offending some of the other people and even the teachers who you would have thought would prefer the aroma of a fine cigar to that of kids who piss and crap themselves all the time.
My calmly reasoned arguement that there was no “no smoking sign” present did nothing to calm them down, it appeared that smoking in a primary school somehow made me a bad man. Some woman even compared me to Hitler because obviously enjoying a cigar makes me instantly comparable to a mass murderer
Now I eventually relented for the sake of me neice and nephew and suffered through the dirty looks and “acting” of the second half but here’s the thing.
- If you don’t want people smoking, put up a no smoking sign.
- Teachers should not be allowed to write “nativity plays”
- Children should not be allowed to perform nativity plays.
- Apparently smoking in primary schools is frowned upon.
- Cigars still smell better than your average local authority primary school.
- If you don’t want your children anywhere near cigar smoke. Keep them in your own house and let the rest of the world get on their lives without having to upset the delicate sensibilities of modern parents who are too busy wrapping their kids up in cotton wool. We all know that your kids are going to be taking hard drugs by the time they’re 9 anyway, as they rebel against your mollycoddling, so get over yourselves.
Tags: Add new tag, children, nativity, parents, plays, smoking